As some of you may already know, my Auntie Gemma and Uncle Stef are getting married next month (I know, I know, not only is my little sis Perla a bitch, but she's also a bastard!!!), and have chosen somewhere warm and sunny to tie the knot (not like the Canadian Star Trek building where Mommy and Daddy got married!!!)... So both Mommy and Daddy have started panicking about being seen half-naked in a bathing suit...
Anyhoo, Mommy spent a day researching THE BEST DIETS out there, and came back with this little gem: The Lemon Detox Diet. Mommy ordered the Madal Bal tree-sap-syrup off Amazon for a whopping £25.99, which you're then supposed to mix with lemon juice, distilled water and cayenne pepper, and drink this sluge instead of eating... According to the 'real life testimonials' it tastes great and makes you feel full... Yeah... Beyonce reportedly lost an amazing 22lbs on the stuff, but as Daddy always says, she probably had the luxury of doing NOTHING, while trying to choke this shit down daily...
In the week leading up to their Detox bonanza, both Mommy and Daddy started following a very strict diet of no sugar, no salt, no carbs, no saturated fats, no red meat and no dairy, which pretty much leaves nothing worth talking about... Poor little me is the only one who eats anything tasty at ours anymore, but I more than make up for them missing out!!!
It's now day 2 of their Detox, and already, both Mommy and Daddy hate their lives, despite only doing the 'relaxed' version, which still allows you to eat one, very boring, meal per day... Mommy keeps whining about being hungry, and everything tasting like cardboard, while Daddy pretends that the devil drink 'doesn't taste too bad' and fills him up, even though Mommy saw him sneaking a french fry last night!!! It's OK, she had a Gelato to make up for it...
Is it worth it??? Who knows... But both Mommy and Daddy spend their time obsessing about all the tasty things they're gonna eat while wearing their bathing suits!!!
