POOR BRETT MICHAELS...

Mommy and Auntie Helen are both obsessed with Brett Michael's TV show Rock of Love... Mommy says it got her and Auntie Helen though the 'bad times' where they worked in Biscuit Hell together with Auntie Sarah... Auntie Sarah never actually watched the show, cuz she prefers boring art-house movies with subtitles instead, but Mommy and Auntie Helen managed to get everyone involved with their daily Rock of Love catch-up chats... Well, almost everyone...

Daddy says Rock of Love is nothing more than a stupid show full of stupid girls acting stupid in the name of getting laid by an old man in a wig, and can't imagine why anyone would choose to watch such drivel... But Auntie Helen and Mommy both agree, that the mindless, drunk, tweaked out skanks are exactly what is amazing about that show; how they managed to get so many of them in one room is truly mind-boggling, and why no one ever mentions the wig, is well, even better still...

But today Mommy is sad, as she found out last night that Brett Michaels has suffered a brain hemorrhage while filming a lesser reality TV show... She obviously emailed Auntie Helen immediately (she would have called but Auntie Helen is still a million miles away in her own version of Hell known as suburban Australia) to give her the bad news... Mommy hopes it doesn't upset Auntie Helen too much, as Auntie Helen is pregnant with a baby boy they're gonna call Megatron, and I get to be his bodyguard!!!

BYE BYE AUNTIE EVA...

Today Mommy is very sad as Auntie Eva will be leaving her to go work for Versace... It's not that Mommy isn't happy for Auntie Eva, cuz she is, it's just that Mommy will really miss working with Auntie Eva, since Auntie Eva is really funny and sweet, and also likes Jeggings and Apple Mint coloured nail varnish...

I will miss my Auntie Eva too, since she always takes care of me when Mommy steps out, even if sometimes my Auntie Eva forgets I'm not a Pitbull like her ginger puppy, and pets me a bit too hard...

But it's not like we're never going to see Auntie Eva again- she'll only be one street away, selling expensive hooker clothes to rich Arabs and Russian mail-order brides... Mommy said that hiring Auntie Eva was the only good decision Donatella Versace ever made- well, that and getting Christopher Kane to design next season's collection, so people with good taste might actually want to shop there again...

I ♥ AUNTIE RIVA

Last time I had a sleepover party with Auntie Riva, we decided to take some photos of us blogging, so you could all see what I look like hard at work, even when at a sleepover party-now that's dedication!!!

Then we took some silly photos for fun, since everyone always sees me dolled up for the camera, which is about a million miles away from what I look like first thing (see below)...

But sure enough, after a quick cuppa and jog in the garden, Auntie Riva and I were ready for work... There's no rest for the wicked, so off to R.S. Currie & Co for us bitches!!!

SNOW PR PRESS DAY

Last week, Mommy and I headed into town after work to check out Snow PR's Press Day... Mommy and I don't really DO Press Days anymore (especially since there seems to no longer be goodie bags of any kind), but I had been complaining about not having any House of Flora to wear in ages, and we both wanted to say HI to Auntie Danni...

While we were there, Auntie Danni helped me try on all the House of Flora hats my little heart desired, while Auntie Nadine took Mommy around to see the new collections... I missed out on seeing those, as the minute I put on this lovely red number, the press pounced on me, and it was all I could do to not hide in Auntie Danni's generous chest pillows...

Mommy said she especially like the Glassworks Studios, a new online retailer with labels like Karen Walker and LnA, that sources cool pieces from around the world... Everyone laughed at Mommy when she shook hands with the owners and told them it was 'Nice to meet people with good taste!!!'

Auntie Danni led Mommy and I downstairs to escape the madness, which luckily for me, was strewn with Pam Hogg samples... While Mommy and Auntie Danni checked out Disaya's new diffusion jewellery range, I immediately tried on ALL the shoes... White is just really my colour, don't you think???

We stayed until the end, whereby Mommy and I joined Auntie Danni and the Snow girls for a drink, which I had been gagging for all afternoon! Needless to say, a few hours later, there I was in the pub, with a my head at the bottom of a wine glass, hoping someone would buy another bottle of Chardonnay!!!

P.S. Thank you to Auntie Nadine for telling Mommy it would be 'fine' to let me have some wine... Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

http://www.snowpr.com/

http://glassworks-studios.com/

http://www.houseofflora.net/

PLEASE HELP MOMMY!!!

http://shopgirl.elleuk.com/contestants/alessandra-estrada

Photo: Mark Cant/ Makeup: Akgun Manisali

http://markcant.com/

http://www.akgunmakeup.com/

As some of you already know, Mommy presently works for The Devil- and not even one classy enough to wear Prada!!! In any case, Mommy has entered this competition on ELLEuk.com in the hopes that someone (anyone) might like what she does enough to crown her the winner, and get her away from Satan's cesspool of fashion... So please go vote for Mommy- even without my vote, she already has 3 ♥!!!

THE POWER OF THE CHIHUAHUA

Despite what you all may be thinking, this is not me... It's clearly someone biting my style, as it happens when you are constantly in the limelight- nature of the beast I'm afraid... Having said that, I don't really think those glasses are very ME...

There is something inherently charming about all of us Chihuahuas, a little je ne sais quoi that sets us apart form the rest, elevating us to the status of, oh I don't know, royalty??? So much so, that we eclipse some of our more 'famous' owners, who pathetically cling to us in the name of getting their photo taken... Shameful really...

Sadly, these One Trick Ponies have made their beds, selling their souls in the name of celebrity arm candy, unlike me, who is a star in her own right... What, did you miss the headline??? Cuz it says, 'NOODLES THE CHIHUAHUA'- read it and weep bitches!!!

THAT'S NOT MY NAME!

Despite what you may think, I wasn't always called Noodles- hard to believe, I know... Before I came to live with Mommy and Daddy, I went by the name of Precious, but even then, that's not what is says on my Birth Certificate...

To date, I've been called by so many names, it's a miracle I'm not schizophrenic!

Piglet, Poodles, Plushita, Plushuahua, Poopsen, Fur-Covered Poop Sack, Peach Monkey, Pastrami Face, Fruit Bat, Gene Simmons, Jabba the Hut, Kitty Kato, Lion Paws, Labbit, Lil' Luck Dragon, Mad Shedser, Meermoset, Marmocat, Schmooper, Skull Dog, Stinks Eye, Scuttle Butt, Snoring Beauty, Super Sleeper, Sausage Tail, Ultraseal- to name but a few...

But what you don't know is that I'm secretly a KC registered Purebread, addressed only in formal circles as Clayburn Cream of the Stars- that's Miss Clayburn to you Bitches!!!