THE TASTE OF SUMMER...

Since Mommy can't actually eat cake anymore, she went down to Ladurée to buy herself some 'Celebration Macarons' in honour of quitting her job today...

Amongst her usual assortment of Vanilla, Orange Blossom and Salted Caramel, Mommy decided to venture outside the box, and try one of Ladurée's signature summer varieties, Green Apple...

Now, this easily could have been a disaster... If it were too jammy, or too creamy, it wouldn't achieve that tart yet tangy quality that make green apples refreshing on a summer day, and may as well have come from the bottom of a jar of penny sweets... But these Parisian Pastry Chef's are no amateurs; not only did they achieve the perfect flavour sensation, but have also managed to lend a sense of crispness to what is essentially almonds and egg whites. At first, I thought I was eating a green apple...

Needless to say, for the rest of the summer, I only want Mommy to buy me these, unless they suddenly come up with Cat Food or Chicken flavours!!!

http://www.laduree.fr/

GEORGIE BEE'S ARE THE BEES KNEES!!!

Mommy and I are VERY bored at work today, and while I've been catching up on my beauty sleep, Mommy's been absent-mindedly reading my FaceBook news feed... Almost at the bottom of the page was a post by my (nicest) FaceBook friend Georgie Bee, with a link to some of her shoes...

Mommy just HAD to wake me up, because she knows how much I love super-cool shoes... And Georgie Bee's are about the coolest; they're the bees knees!!! Her Neomagpies 2 collection looks like candy floss woven into Gothic taxidermy with a 40's twist that you strap your foot into... I especially LOVE the gold G and B that flash out at you from the soles...

Needless to say, I've already put in a request for some in my size... Noodles-Pom-Pomette's away!!!

http://www.hellogeorgiebee.com/

http://www.neomagpie.blogspot.com/

MOMMY AND DADDY'S CRAZY DIET

As some of you may already know, my Auntie Gemma and Uncle Stef are getting married next month (I know, I know, not only is my little sis Perla a bitch, but she's also a bastard!!!), and have chosen somewhere warm and sunny to tie the knot (not like the Canadian Star Trek building where Mommy and Daddy got married!!!)... So both Mommy and Daddy have started panicking about being seen half-naked in a bathing suit...

Anyhoo, Mommy spent a day researching THE BEST DIETS out there, and came back with this little gem: The Lemon Detox Diet. Mommy ordered the Madal Bal tree-sap-syrup off Amazon for a whopping £25.99, which you're then supposed to mix with lemon juice, distilled water and cayenne pepper, and drink this sluge instead of eating... According to the 'real life testimonials' it tastes great and makes you feel full... Yeah... Beyonce reportedly lost an amazing 22lbs on the stuff, but as Daddy always says, she probably had the luxury of doing NOTHING, while trying to choke this shit down daily...

In the week leading up to their Detox bonanza, both Mommy and Daddy started following a very strict diet of no sugar, no salt, no carbs, no saturated fats, no red meat and no dairy, which pretty much leaves nothing worth talking about... Poor little me is the only one who eats anything tasty at ours anymore, but I more than make up for them missing out!!!

It's now day 2 of their Detox, and already, both Mommy and Daddy hate their lives, despite only doing the 'relaxed' version, which still allows you to eat one, very boring, meal per day... Mommy keeps whining about being hungry, and everything tasting like cardboard, while Daddy pretends that the devil drink 'doesn't taste too bad' and fills him up, even though Mommy saw him sneaking a french fry last night!!! It's OK, she had a Gelato to make up for it...

Is it worth it??? Who knows... But both Mommy and Daddy spend their time obsessing about all the tasty things they're gonna eat while wearing their bathing suits!!!

http://www.purenaturalproducts.co.uk/

APP HAPPY DADDY

Mommy used to yell at Daddy all the time, because she said that he had a really crappy mobile phone; it never used to ring, and when Daddy finally did answer, you couldn't hear him anyway... Mommy used to ask him why he bothered paying for the privilege???

So, when Mommy's contract was renewed, she gave Daddy her old iPhone, since Mommy said he insisted on flogging a dead horse. At first, Daddy pretended that his new iPhone was 'just another phone,' until Mommy showed him the wonder of Apps...

Daddy's newest toy is this App, the Hipstamatic, which has seen him take these stunning portraits of my lovely self, on a 3MP camera phone... He also took an amazing photo of my Uncle Stef and my other Uncles as a Manband, which everyone swears could be an album cover... Daddy even managed to convince Mommy to pose with me, which almost never happens, since Mommy says Daddy doesn't know how to take a good photo of her, and even now claims she has 'zombie-arm'...

http://hipstamaticapp.com/

POOR BRETT MICHAELS...

Mommy and Auntie Helen are both obsessed with Brett Michael's TV show Rock of Love... Mommy says it got her and Auntie Helen though the 'bad times' where they worked in Biscuit Hell together with Auntie Sarah... Auntie Sarah never actually watched the show, cuz she prefers boring art-house movies with subtitles instead, but Mommy and Auntie Helen managed to get everyone involved with their daily Rock of Love catch-up chats... Well, almost everyone...

Daddy says Rock of Love is nothing more than a stupid show full of stupid girls acting stupid in the name of getting laid by an old man in a wig, and can't imagine why anyone would choose to watch such drivel... But Auntie Helen and Mommy both agree, that the mindless, drunk, tweaked out skanks are exactly what is amazing about that show; how they managed to get so many of them in one room is truly mind-boggling, and why no one ever mentions the wig, is well, even better still...

But today Mommy is sad, as she found out last night that Brett Michaels has suffered a brain hemorrhage while filming a lesser reality TV show... She obviously emailed Auntie Helen immediately (she would have called but Auntie Helen is still a million miles away in her own version of Hell known as suburban Australia) to give her the bad news... Mommy hopes it doesn't upset Auntie Helen too much, as Auntie Helen is pregnant with a baby boy they're gonna call Megatron, and I get to be his bodyguard!!!

BYE BYE AUNTIE EVA...

Today Mommy is very sad as Auntie Eva will be leaving her to go work for Versace... It's not that Mommy isn't happy for Auntie Eva, cuz she is, it's just that Mommy will really miss working with Auntie Eva, since Auntie Eva is really funny and sweet, and also likes Jeggings and Apple Mint coloured nail varnish...

I will miss my Auntie Eva too, since she always takes care of me when Mommy steps out, even if sometimes my Auntie Eva forgets I'm not a Pitbull like her ginger puppy, and pets me a bit too hard...

But it's not like we're never going to see Auntie Eva again- she'll only be one street away, selling expensive hooker clothes to rich Arabs and Russian mail-order brides... Mommy said that hiring Auntie Eva was the only good decision Donatella Versace ever made- well, that and getting Christopher Kane to design next season's collection, so people with good taste might actually want to shop there again...

I ♥ AUNTIE RIVA

Last time I had a sleepover party with Auntie Riva, we decided to take some photos of us blogging, so you could all see what I look like hard at work, even when at a sleepover party-now that's dedication!!!

Then we took some silly photos for fun, since everyone always sees me dolled up for the camera, which is about a million miles away from what I look like first thing (see below)...

But sure enough, after a quick cuppa and jog in the garden, Auntie Riva and I were ready for work... There's no rest for the wicked, so off to R.S. Currie & Co for us bitches!!!

SNOW PR PRESS DAY

Last week, Mommy and I headed into town after work to check out Snow PR's Press Day... Mommy and I don't really DO Press Days anymore (especially since there seems to no longer be goodie bags of any kind), but I had been complaining about not having any House of Flora to wear in ages, and we both wanted to say HI to Auntie Danni...

While we were there, Auntie Danni helped me try on all the House of Flora hats my little heart desired, while Auntie Nadine took Mommy around to see the new collections... I missed out on seeing those, as the minute I put on this lovely red number, the press pounced on me, and it was all I could do to not hide in Auntie Danni's generous chest pillows...

Mommy said she especially like the Glassworks Studios, a new online retailer with labels like Karen Walker and LnA, that sources cool pieces from around the world... Everyone laughed at Mommy when she shook hands with the owners and told them it was 'Nice to meet people with good taste!!!'

Auntie Danni led Mommy and I downstairs to escape the madness, which luckily for me, was strewn with Pam Hogg samples... While Mommy and Auntie Danni checked out Disaya's new diffusion jewellery range, I immediately tried on ALL the shoes... White is just really my colour, don't you think???

We stayed until the end, whereby Mommy and I joined Auntie Danni and the Snow girls for a drink, which I had been gagging for all afternoon! Needless to say, a few hours later, there I was in the pub, with a my head at the bottom of a wine glass, hoping someone would buy another bottle of Chardonnay!!!

P.S. Thank you to Auntie Nadine for telling Mommy it would be 'fine' to let me have some wine... Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

http://www.snowpr.com/

http://glassworks-studios.com/

http://www.houseofflora.net/

PLEASE HELP MOMMY!!!

http://shopgirl.elleuk.com/contestants/alessandra-estrada

Photo: Mark Cant/ Makeup: Akgun Manisali

http://markcant.com/

http://www.akgunmakeup.com/

As some of you already know, Mommy presently works for The Devil- and not even one classy enough to wear Prada!!! In any case, Mommy has entered this competition on ELLEuk.com in the hopes that someone (anyone) might like what she does enough to crown her the winner, and get her away from Satan's cesspool of fashion... So please go vote for Mommy- even without my vote, she already has 3 ♥!!!

THE POWER OF THE CHIHUAHUA

Despite what you all may be thinking, this is not me... It's clearly someone biting my style, as it happens when you are constantly in the limelight- nature of the beast I'm afraid... Having said that, I don't really think those glasses are very ME...

There is something inherently charming about all of us Chihuahuas, a little je ne sais quoi that sets us apart form the rest, elevating us to the status of, oh I don't know, royalty??? So much so, that we eclipse some of our more 'famous' owners, who pathetically cling to us in the name of getting their photo taken... Shameful really...

Sadly, these One Trick Ponies have made their beds, selling their souls in the name of celebrity arm candy, unlike me, who is a star in her own right... What, did you miss the headline??? Cuz it says, 'NOODLES THE CHIHUAHUA'- read it and weep bitches!!!

THAT'S NOT MY NAME!

Despite what you may think, I wasn't always called Noodles- hard to believe, I know... Before I came to live with Mommy and Daddy, I went by the name of Precious, but even then, that's not what is says on my Birth Certificate...

To date, I've been called by so many names, it's a miracle I'm not schizophrenic!

Piglet, Poodles, Plushita, Plushuahua, Poopsen, Fur-Covered Poop Sack, Peach Monkey, Pastrami Face, Fruit Bat, Gene Simmons, Jabba the Hut, Kitty Kato, Lion Paws, Labbit, Lil' Luck Dragon, Mad Shedser, Meermoset, Marmocat, Schmooper, Skull Dog, Stinks Eye, Scuttle Butt, Snoring Beauty, Super Sleeper, Sausage Tail, Ultraseal- to name but a few...

But what you don't know is that I'm secretly a KC registered Purebread, addressed only in formal circles as Clayburn Cream of the Stars- that's Miss Clayburn to you Bitches!!!

MY FAMILY ABROAD

People always laugh at Mommy cuz they say she has a funny accent... Mommy tells me that where she's from, everyone has the same funny accent, so no one actually thinks it's funny... She says that even my Cousins have accents, but I wouldn't know, since I've never met them...

These are some of my Cousins, who live on the other side of the world, where it snows loads...

Auntie Alyssa and my newest Cousin

Mi Primo Paco, who lives with my Grandpa and Granny Nan, and can also speak Spanish...

(Mommy taught me to say that!!!)

My Cousin Lola, who lives with my Grandma

FASHION CAKES

Mommy loves to bake; she has an entire drawer full of baking things that she never lets me explore... People really love it when Mommy bakes them cakes; I think it's why they invite her to their birthday parties!!!

A lot of people ask Mommy why she doesn't open her own bakery, and she always says the same thing: 'money'.

These are some of the lovely cakes Mommy has made for people...

Even though Mommy can't actually EAT cake, she can still appreciate a good looking cake when she sees one... Ditto for expensive fashion... The rest is pretty self-explanatory...

Shot by Therese Aldgard, and styled by Lisa Edsalv

ZZZZzzz...

After my hectic week this week, I really needed a lie in... Fortunately, Daddy had the day off, so I stayed in bed while Mommy got ready for work... Even though I TOLD Daddy that I was knackered, still didn't stop him from waking me up by taking these pics... Daddy's so like that!!!

AUNTIE RIVA'S SHOP

Today, Daddy took me to Auntie Riva's shop, cuz Mommy and Daddy are both so busy at the minute, that it's really no fun for me to hang with them... Unlike Auntie Riva's toy shop, which is THE MOST FUN EVER!!!

I had only ever been once before with Daddy, just after it first opened last year; Auntie Riva is always sooo nice, letting me play with all the toys, which are just the right size for little me... Auntie Riva's shop is called R.S. Currie & Co (which was the name of Auntie Riva's boyfriend Tom's Grandpa), who used to sell cars there, a long, long time ago... Now, R.S. Currie & Co sells toys and candy (Mommy says they have The Best wine gums)- but no Chihuahuas...

Auntie Riva pretty much lets me do whatever I like, so I spent a lot of time napping in my new surroundings, namely in the store window on the doll's sofa, and on the counter next to the till, between sniffing out the Benjamins.... Everyone kept coming in to see me, asking if I was for sale, wanting to pet me, waking me from my beauty sleep: being a star isn't too far from being a cheap hussy!!!

And, I got to meet another Chihuahua today too! He came into the shop with his Mommy and I wasn't too sure about him at first, and he was all, 'Is it cuz I is black???' but then we became really good friends, and his Mommy let him stay for over an hour!!! I really hope he stops in the next time I'm there- Auntie Riva says I can come back whenever I want...

http://www.rscurrie.com/

IS THIS WHAT I LOOK LIKE???

Mommy was in Kokon To Zai today, picking up some Marjan Pejoski for her photoshoot with the Loubie-Lou ladies on Tuesday- naturally, she brought me along... The KTZ shop on Goldborne Rd is always packed full of amazing thing like hand-carved wood hangers and taxidermied butterflies... There are big glass cases filled with bird skulls and antique charms, one-of-a-kind jewelry and treasures from the Porte de Clignancourt flea market in Paris, making it exactly how you'd imagine Tim Burton's sweet shop, if he had one...

Anyhoo, while they were packing up Mommy's selection, out of the corner of my eye I spied THIS!!! I stared for a very long time, thinking, wondering- Is this what I think it is??? I know fur hides a multitude of sins, but is THIS what I look like under my beautiful coat??!

http://www.kokontozai.co.uk/

OMG IT'S UNCLE HEATHER!!!

Today, Uncle Heather sent Mommy a link to this crazy video, where Uncle Heather gets to pretend she's Lady Gaga's boyfriend; Bouncy is in the video too, but Uncle Heather didn't have to make out with her... Mommy said it was funny to watch Uncle Heather pretend to be mean, because even though she has very, very big muscles, she's actually a real big softie, which is why her and Mommy have been friends for more than a decade... I really want to meet my Uncle Heather, but Mommy says she lives in a place very far away, where all the women have fake boobies and it's always sunny...

Mommy said my Uncle Heather used to live here, before I was even born! But this mean Stick chased her out of town, so Uncle Heather went back across the ocean, and Mommy hasn't seen her since... I know Mommy misses my Uncle Heather loads, cuz she's always talking about her, but Mommy says that Uncle Heather is much, much happier where she lives now, cuz she gets to wear tank tops every day (to show off her pythons), and make crazy art...

Uncle Heather's Pythons

http://cassils.wordpress.com/

http://www.toxictitties.com/index.html